she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
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