I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
