3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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