If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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