I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
