i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
