so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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