Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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