but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
