Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
