Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
