so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
