I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
