oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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