u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
