I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
