woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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