They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
