the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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