I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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