I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
you had me at cake vodka
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize