please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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