my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
