Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
