singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
