hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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