Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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