i think i have herpe
just one?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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