I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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