I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
