I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
