I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
foreskin is a definite game changer
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
