that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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