i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
