Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
