4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
