He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
