She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
