Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
