I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
