Even the bartender felt bad for me
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
