Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
