then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
