we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
