She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
