Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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