At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
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some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
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We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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