so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
