Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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