dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I AM VODKA MAN
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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