tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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