Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
This couple is walking their pig around campus
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize