mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
