Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
