I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
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We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
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The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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