i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
