I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
