I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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