i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
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After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
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Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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