Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize