NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
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