Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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