jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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