he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
