hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
