in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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