I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
