i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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